oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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