My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
