He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
