Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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