sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
