She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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