i need an iv and a liver transplant
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
