I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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