I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
