We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
