i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
