she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
