please come you make the beer taste better
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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