Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
