$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
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So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
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I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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