I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
pray to the hookup gods
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
