I swear to god he's a one man village people.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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