I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
