apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
