You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
