You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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