LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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