I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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