Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have aggressive nipples.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
