Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
