maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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