Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
