dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
