Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
