my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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