Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
