what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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