I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
