You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
there is puke in my bra ... again
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