You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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