its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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