you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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