I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
