had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
