quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sober January is a disaster.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
