and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I stole a fireplace last night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
