Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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