The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
