to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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