her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
