What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
