hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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