I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
