Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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