My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
