How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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