We're like a lot better than the average bears
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
