Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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