I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
