You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
high people should be assigned attendants
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
