so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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