this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
why does every cop we meet know your name?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
