I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
