Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
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