i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize