hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
