yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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