idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
