Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
