Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
