well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
