Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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