I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Farmville is her only friend.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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